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[mp_text]

Today, I was teaching a class on Love and God’s Will for Marriage. This topic covers the 5 Love Languages but also talks about some key elements to having a lasting marriage – forgiveness and respect.

Part of the discussion was about how we must do our part in making sure that we don’t put our business out there for people to pounce on. One of my clients told me that she often talks to her friends about her fiancé and that now she’s regretting all that she’s said. We talked through it and I came to this conclusion – there is a difference between being secretive and being discreet. If you are not quite sure of the differences, here are four illustrations to help you determine if you are in a secret relationship.

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[mp_text]

Discretion is dating your boyfriend of three months and not posting your every move on social media so that you can get to learn each other.

Secretive is dating your boyfriend for a year and never speaking of him or introducing him to family and friends.

 

Discretion is going on a date with a new guy and giving basic deets (time, place, name of suitor) to your friend as a precaution.

Secretive is going out of the country with a man you met on an online dating site that your inner circle has never met and telling them you are going to Florida to visit your sister.

 

Discretion is having an argument with your husband 15 minutes before meeting his parents for dinner, yet behaving as a loving couple knowing that you can address the issues in private.

Secretive is having an argument with your husband that escalates into a physical altercation that you accept by not seeking proper help or counsel.

 

Discretion is intentionally choosing to safeguard your relationship so that you can preserve special moments between the two of you.

Secretive is intentionally choosing to hide the details of your relationship because you believe your family and friends will not approve or support you.

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[mp_quote cite_url=”#” quote_content=”Discretion protects…secrets separate.”]

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[mp_text]

See, the major differences between having discretion in your relationship and being secretive is that discretion protects you and your relationship from intrusion from the outside world, including family and friends who may actually mean well. Being secretive separates you from family and friends and causes you to have to hide things or places you in unnecessary danger.

 

Bottom line is if you cannot comfortably display your relationships in public and choose to hide it, you are in a secret relationship and you are likely in a bad situation. Ultimately, you have to use your good judgement to determine where you stand. Just make sure you know the difference.

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