You’ve found the one, or so you thought. But something is just not working out between you two. Why? There may be some surface reasons that you can point to as to why there are problems in your relationship – he cheated, you’re bored, you two aren’t compatible, etc. Yes, all of those are valid reasons, but sometimes it is a little deeper than that.
If we are being honest, there are usually some inherent weaknesses that we bring to and encounter in relationships that cause them to fail. Keep reading to see if any of the ones listed could be one of the real reasons why your last relationship just did not work out or your current one is in trouble.
- You chose incorrectly.
Let’s get right into it. I often talk about the notion that “you teach others how to treat you.” This applies to all types of relationships but especially romantic ones. You have the ability and the right to not choose the broken, the busted, or the bums. This is why it is so important to avoid choosing to be in a relationship where your man does not value, respect, or honor you.
- You have unresolved issues.
Oh, the baggage. Notice that I did not say that you have unresolved issues with past relationships. Your unresolved issues can stem from a number of things that seem to haunt you throughout the duration of the relationship. These issues could be past hurts from past loves, your childhood, or even situations that may have occurred in your current relationship that you’ve swept under the rug. Unresolved issues leave a scathing gap in the progress of any relationship and until they are dealt with head on, things will never go right. Additionally, unresolved issues lead to resentment and unforgiveness, two debilitating qualities in love.
- You didn’t take the time to get to know who you were dating.
Everyone is at their best at the first meeting or on the first date. It’s not until months later that guards come down, masks come off, and we begin to see people for who they really are. Paying attention to signs and taking note of red flags are imperative even at the onset of a relationship. As time goes on, those “flaws” can escalate into larger matters if not addressed. Before too much time is spent and energy invested, make a decision on if being with him is worth it.
- Your values don’t match.
It’s difficult to try to make something work when you are totally different. I’m talking core differences, not superficial. If you are innately incompatible – you don’t share the same basic morals and values – developing an honest and fulfilling relationship will be difficult. Sustaining it, even more difficult.
- Your timing wasn’t right.
I’m a believer that everything under the sun has a time and a season, including relationships. Often times, we are in such a rush that we try to force something to happen when the truth is that is just isn’t the right time. There is a song that says, “you can’t hurry love, no you just have to wait.” This statement is so true. There is no point in forcing or rushing into love relationships if it’s not yet your time to do so. Just because your friends are settling down and getting married does not mean that you should too. Go at the pace that is best for you.
- You weren’t ready.
Not being ready for a relationship is similar but quite different from having bad timing, and a critical reason why relationships fall apart. Being ready means you have already discovered who you are and what you want, thus you are clear about what you don’t want and won’t take. When a woman knows who she is prior to getting into a relationship, she will not spend time trying to figure it out along the way. (This goes for men too!) Know yourself first.