Before we get deeper into this topic, let’s just clear the air. Yes, I know this is the 21st century and women are taking matters into their own hands more and more. Yes, I know about the Irish legend and practice that allows women to propose to men only on leap year. Yes, yes, yes…I am aware that women proposing to men is not a novel idea.

I am not disputing that women can or do propose to men. I am explaining why I believe women should not propose to men. Aside from the biblical/Christian standpoint, with which I agree and teach in my premarital courses, there are three simple reasons why I believe that a woman should never propose to a man.

  1. There is value in the chase (of a woman).

There is a certain value placed on something or someone that is not easily attainable. Both men and women think like this regardless of financial status or spending ability. If you don’t agree yet, think of it this way. There are varying levels of brands – high-end to low-end. The dollar amount associated with a Chanel handbag is drastically more than that associated with a Coach handbag. Thus, someone who spends more on a Chanel bag is likely to treat it differently, maybe even better, than if that person spent significantly less on a Coach bag. Just for the case of illustration, let’s say you have to work extra hours to get the money to be able to afford the Chanel bag. You’ve put in a lot of work! We can liken that analogy to relationships. Typically, the more effort you have to put in to get someone, the more likely you are to treat that relationship a little better than others.

  1. You shift the energy of the relationship.

The Bible says that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from The Lord. That favor manifests itself as leadership and the abilty to make decisions. A woman proposing to a man confuses that very dynamic. When you take the lead on a life-changing decision like this, and don’t give him the opportunity to do it, you could be setting yourself up for possible indecision and lack of leadership from him in the future.

  1. You shouldn’t have to!

A man knows quickly if the woman he is with is worth spending time, energy, and money for. A man knows fairly quickly if the woman he is with is the type of woman he wants to marry and star a life with. Therefore, if a man has not yet proposed to a woman, it is for one or more of three reasons – he is not ready, not sure, or not going to. So if this is the circumstance and a woman proposes to a man who is, ultimately, unsure of where she stands in his life, she has now created an atmosphere for immediate or future disappointment.

Photo credit: @nigerianweddings on Instagram

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