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By now, you are likely familiar with the name Olivia Pope. She is the beautiful and successful fixer on one of America’s favorite TV shows, Scandal, who is revered for her classic style, go-getter attitude, and innate ability to “handle” just about any crazy situation. Yes, Olivia Pope seems to be the ideal woman who has it all together. Only, she really doesn’t.  While she is a #boss at what she does, she struggles in her love life.

Though Olivia Pope is a fictional character, I know her. I have met Olivia in real life. The super smart, beautiful and at-the-top-of-her-game woman who makes the silliest mistakes in her relationships. We all may have been (or known) Olivia Pope at one point. While watching the season premier, I noticed that there 3 key mistakes that Olivia Pope makes that other smart, successful women make in their relationships. Take a look. Are you guilty of any of these?

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What you allow, you accept. 

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Mistake #1 – You allow your relationship to be a secret.

Yep. I said it. YOU. ALLOW. *pointing at you*

I am a big fan of discretion in relationships. Everyone doesn’t need to know your business because everyone doesn’t want to see you happy. However, there is a big difference between being secretive and being discreet. If you are with a man who insists that all of your interaction be hidden, girl, that relationship is NOT for you! What you allow, you accept. What you accept will become the norm.

You have to teach people how to treat you and if you are teaching your man that you are only desirable when no one else is around, he will continue to hide you.

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Mistake #2 – You hide your relationship from your family and friends.

Going out of your way to hide your relationship from your family and friends is a major red flag!

More times than not, your family and friends want you to be happy. They want to support you. They want you to find the love that you deserve. So the moment you decide to keep your love from them, you are admitting that (1) you are not ready for complete happiness and (2) you do not trust that your relationship is the right one for you.

The truth is that a secret relationship is a high-stress situation and is unnecessary hard work. If you are in the right relationship, there will be NO reason to hide it, especially from family and friends.

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Mistake #3 – You are confused about what you want.

Before you get into any relationship, you should know what you want. Why? Well, for two important reasons. First, you can communicate to the man what it is that you are looking for in a relationship. Second, you will be able to determine if he is looking for the same thing.

Believe it or not, men are simple. Barring the few knuckleheads you may run in to, if you tell a man that you are not interested, he will move on to the next. If you tell him that you are interested, he will stick around. But if you tell him that you are not looking but want to get married, and are looking for a man to treat you right but are Miss Independent….yeah – he will be confused.

If you know what you want, you will know what to look for. More importantly, you’ll know what NOT to look for.

*Disclaimer: I do not condone cheating, infidelity, or homewrecking. The purposes of this post is to highlight common errors that smart women make with love. The issue of being a side chick will be addressed in a later post.

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